The Nature of the Mind: Part III The Function and Importance of Humility

I hope you had some fun with your ego this past week.  I find it amusing to push back against its demands from time to time.  It has ruled us too long without ever being questioned.  I recall a political button on the coat of Alosha, my Russian translator on my 1992 trip to Moscow.  It said, “Question Authority!”  I was shocked and amazed at his courage back then.  The more I reflected on it, the more I have come to understand the importance of pushing back, especially against those unseen forces that are pushing at us and shaping our behavior.  There are many kinds of oppression, but the oppression of the unchecked ego is perhaps the most significant I have experienced.

So how can we start pushing back when we feel the demands of our egos insisting that we do this or that?  The answer is found in the spiritual literature of all of the major religions.  Universally they state that humility is the key to spiritual freedom. 

Humility!  I can’t think of a single word that is more contrary to the American understanding of “the good life” than humility.  Humility is simply not a word that is used in polite conversation.  How could it possibly be essential to the spiritual life?

Of course, it only takes a moment’s reflection to see how humility is the exact antidote to the ego's excesses.  The ego says, “Me–me–me.  I am the center of the universe, and it is MY will that must be obeyed.”  The ego whispers to us, “You won’t be successful/acceptable/loved unless you follow my directions.”  What we saw in our time together last week was that following the ego’s directions will ultimately lead us to a state of complete isolation.  The seduction that drives our egos is the belief that our ego boundaries can protect us from hurt.  Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.  The ego can do many things, but it cannot protect us from being hurt.

So then, what is humility?  The best definition that I found in all of my years of searching is the one given by the anonymous author of The Cloud of Unknowing.  He said that humility “is… A true knowing and feeling of a man’s self as he is.  Any man who truly sees and feels himself as he is must surely be humble indeed.”  

To see ourselves as we truly are – that’s quite a tall order, isn’t it?  It’s far more common that we see ourselves as we imagine ourselves to be.  I, for example, am six feet tall, with a full head of hair, and of course, I’m irresistibly handsome, not to mention incredibly intelligent, blah blah blah.  You know this BS well because you have your own version, don’t you?

The world that each of us inhabits appears to be centered around ourselves.  From my perspective, you – my readers – exist because you are breathlessly anticipating your next newsletter from me.  From your perspective, however, I am, at best, an interesting adjunct to you because, in your world, you are the center of the universe.  The truth is, neither of us is the center.  In actual fact, there are approximately eight billion of us competing for the center position.  Pretty crazy, isn’t it!

When we zoom out and see ourselves from the perspective of everyone else in the world, our presumptions are laughable.  Here we are, each competing to be the center of the universe!  The sad truth is that none of us are this center.  And yet, paradoxically, we carry the true center within each of us.  To discover this deeper truth, we need to let go of our presumptions and experience what actually is.  We need to experience Reality – the reality that the Divine makes its home in the hearts of each of us.

This brings us to the heart of humility.  It involves our letting go of the position we aspire to.  It involves accepting our natural limitations and living within those limitations.  To do otherwise is an attempt to assume God’s position.  Who really is at the center of the universe?  It’s not you.  It’s not me.  It is the Divine.  And the major obstacle to our realizing and experiencing this divinity within ourselves is our assumption that we are more than what we truly are.

So, you might ask, why don’t we just let go of this silly assumption?  It clearly doesn’t work.  So what’s the payoff?

When I let go, when I stop trying to control everything around me, my first experience is one of fear.  I am afraid of what will happen if I let go.  I’m afraid I won’t be good enough, and everyone in my life will reject me.  I am afraid that I will be alone.  As a result, I use my ego to put up walls to protect myself from the possibility of this happening.

Paradoxically, the more I put up my walls, the more I am alone.  Those who are totally self-centered, those sad people who are consumed by their narcissism, are, in fact, totally alone.  Their self-centeredness drives others away.  The deep sadness here is that they cannot see they are doing this to themselves.  They are creating for themselves the outcome they fear the most.

If we can get over our initial fear – and that’s a big if – what happens next is a feeling of openness.  We open ourselves to all that is.  In effect we are opening ourselves to the actual reality that we are one small part of humanity.  By opening ourselves to what is, we have opened ourselves to Truth.  Truth, when it’s used in this sense, is another word for God.  It’s another word for Reality.

The limiting factor here is our fear.  When we are afraid, we circle the wagons; we put up our boundaries, we hunker in the bunker, and we try to protect ourselves as best we can.  So how can we overcome our fear?  Ultimately, our fears are existential.  We’re afraid that we will be overwhelmed and destroyed by our fears.  So, we hang onto them, desperately.

In over 50 years of counseling people, I have yet to see psychology or any of the social sciences provide a clear remedy for this existential fear.  I do, however, find a clear remedy in the holy Scriptures of all faiths.  In Christianity, the religion most familiar to many of my readers, we find “Perfect love casts out fear” (1John 4.18).  In Hinduism, Krishna tells Arjuna, “Simply surrender unto me.  I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions.  Do not fear.”  (Bhagavad Gita 2.3, 18.66).  In Buddhism, in the Dhammapada (1.5), we hear, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal law.”  I could continue with other citations on this topic, but I’m sure you get the idea.

Our egotism is ultimately a spiritual problem.  As a result, it can only be solved by a spiritual means.  To make spiritual progress, we have to let go of our fears.  That means we need to separate ourselves from our egos and our ego-driven desires.  Clearly, we cannot do this by ourselves.  Our egos are not going to let go of us voluntarily.  That would be a kind of self–suicide.

Thankfully, we have a marvelous ally in this struggle.  God is on our side.  If we can let go just a little bit, if we can acknowledge ourselves for what we are, if we can be humble, then the spiritual power that is God has an opening.  In this opening, God’s perfect love takes hold like a little seed.  That seed, if nourished with just a bit of water and sunshine, will grow and crack open that rock, no matter how large, no matter how solid, no matter how tough that rock might be.

This is the importance of humility.

Humility is founded on an honest and balanced perception of yourself.  A humble person recognizes both their strengths and their weaknesses.  Many in our culture think that humility is about the avoidance of arrogance and that certainly is part of the equation.  The other part is avoiding false modesty, that position of falsely deprecating oneself.  Humility involves an openness to taking responsibility for your mistakes, and a willingness to learn from them.  With humility, you recognize that we are all equal as human beings.

There are many obstacles to the cultivation of humility.  First and foremost, our egos keep taking the false position that we are the center of the universe.  When you realize that 8 billion other human beings are vying for this position, you realize it’s absurdity.  Other obstacles include the fear of appearing weak, a sense of personal insecurity, and low self-esteem.  Often times our outward achievements and visible success push us towards arrogance.  People who are emotionally defensive focus first on protecting the ego and this militates against humility.

All of these obstacles can be overcome with honest self-reflection.  It also helps if you have a circle of friends and colleagues around you who feel free to challenge your self-centered assumptions.  Two other practices are also helpful in cultivating a profound sense of humility.  First, when you find opportunities to serve others, you’ll find that, as they become more and more important to you, your own self-importance seems to diminish.  The other practice that is helpful in this regard is the cultivation of gratitude.  We are each the recipient of countless gifts and blessings from the people around us.  As we open ourselves to others, both through service and through gratitude, it is we ourselves who experience the most profound blessings.

All of this comes about as we open our hearts: to God, and to the people around us.  Our heart opening results in a profound acceptance.  This is not only an acceptance of others and their needs and concerns.  More profoundly, it is an opening and acceptance of our own needs.  Only as we become aware of our deepest needs will we be motivated to turn to God.  The most stable and solid motivation for the spiritual journey is the one based on our own loneliness, our own desire for the deep, deep love that only the Divine can provide.

*  *  *

Well, that’s enough for this week.  I want to encourage you to continue observing your self-centeredness.  I don’t mean for this to be some kind of exercise in beating yourself up. Instead, just observe yourself as you truly are.  With any kind of honesty at all, humility is the natural result of this kind of self-reflection.  As always, please keep up your meditation practice.  I look forward to engaging with you again next week.

With love,

P.S.  Several of you have expressed the desire for an online meditation class.  If there is enough interest, I will try to figure out how to hold a group class on the web.  If you have an interest, please write me at [email protected]. 

Humility as a Tool  → Letting go → Fear → Openness →  Acceptance & Growth

If you are finding this newsletter course helpful, you may want to consider Dr. Kaisch's latest book, Inside the Invisible:  The Universal Path to Spiritual Transcendence.👇

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