In past newsletters, we have explored the idea that our egos are actually just tools – tools for our survival.  We never think of them like this because they’ve always been around; we simply accept our sense of self, our ego, as a given.  To understand this idea of the ego as a tool, we have to scrutinize its origins.  So, let’s begin at the beginning.

Newborn babies don’t appear to have egos; they don’t have a discrete sense of self like you and I do.  That sense of self is developed, bit by bit, in response to the social environment in which the child is raised.  As a result, no two of us are alike.

Newborns are literally like sponges – they are immersed in an ocean of sensory data, and they soak up every bit of it.  For example, they notice every little nuance on their parents' faces.  They see muscles tightening and relaxing; they notice the flush or pallor in their skin – no detail escapes them.

They see these things because their survival depends upon it.  They are stacking up piles of data, which they later use to make their way in the world.  Did you know that the focal distance of a newborn's eyes is about 12 inches?  That is exactly the distance between a nursing baby and her mother’s face.

As a child nurses, she focuses with great intensity and notices every little change on her mother’s face.  These data are then correlated with the taste of mother’s milk and the tension or relaxation in the mother’s arms, and many other factors.  Later in life, as the child gains greater autonomy, these data will be used to manipulate poor mom.  The child will learn that a particular whiny tone gets one result, while another, less whiny tone produces something else, and a big smile gets still another kind of response.

An interesting and often overlooked consequence of this gradual construction of the ego is that it is present in some form or other from the child’s earliest memories.  While every child begins with a simple, open awareness of what is, her gradually constructed ego starts to manifest from almost her first experiences.  Because most of our memories are formulated after we acquire language, her earliest memories – most of which are composed through language – always entail a sense of self.  In our memories, then, there has never been a time when the almighty “I” has not been present.

Think about this for a moment.  Just like a fish doesn’t notice the water it’s swimming in, so too we don’t notice the ego that we are using.  We don’t notice it because, in our memories, there has never been a time when we have been without our egos.  We assume that having an ego is “natural,” and that everyone has a similar construct that appears to guide their behavior.

Another consequence of this kind of construction is that we typically have great difficulty imagining living without the ego.  In effect, when I talk about going beyond the ego, it sounds like I’m suggesting that we live without our single most important survival tool.  And that, sadly, sounds pretty scary for most of us.

And speaking of scary, how about the notion of death?  Most of us have even greater difficulty imagining our self, our ego, ceasing to be.  As a response to these deep fears, our culture hides from death by pushing elders into old folks' homes and making them disappear.  We have funeral rituals in which the bodies of the deceased are dressed up and painted to look like they are still alive.  We seemingly cannot bear the notion of our own ‘disappearance,’ so we have viewings of the dead body and talk amongst ourselves about “how natural he looks.”

And yet most of us disappear at least once a day!  We even look forward to disappearing!  We lay down on our beds every evening and go to sleep.  Where does your sense of self go when you are asleep?  What happens to it?  It’s strange, isn’t it, because most of us enjoy going to bed and disappearing into sleep.  Isn’t this the very same thing that happens at the end of life, when the body is no longer useful or effective?  We even euphemistically refer to death as “going to sleep” or “resting.”  So, what’s the big deal?

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The spiritual journey we are exploring will take you to the point where you no longer need your survival tools.  In effect, as we open to the Self that lies within, we are able to lay down the tools that the little self needed to survive.  By gradually letting go of our little self, using the graduated spiritual exercises developed by the great spiritual avatars and saints who have gone before us, we learn to access the infinite resources of the Self.  So, let me ask you this – which would you prefer, the infinite resources and knowledge available to the Divine, or the very limited knowledge and resources your ego has developed?

The answer is simple, isn’t it?  And there is a certain inevitability about this process as well.  Whether we recognize it or not, we are all on the spiritual path.  We are all working out the consequences of our past behaviors.  We are all striving to reach our destiny.  And part of that destiny is recognizing the limitations of our egos.  Part of it, then, involves letting go of the things that hold us back.

This constant cycle of learning something and then letting it go is one we are all familiar with.  As infants, we first learned to roll and then to crawl.  As we gained control of our bodies, we learned how to walk.  Then came that great day when we learn to ride a tricycle or Hot Wheels.  And then came a bicycle!  And then came driving the family automobile!  With each step, we gratefully relinquished the skill we had previously learned.  And with each step, we gained more and more freedom and autonomy.

Now God is inviting you to step into even more freedom.  The problem is, to do that, you have to let go of the ego, your sense of self.  There comes a time when you recognize that your marvelous self has become a hindrance to your spiritual growth.

While this notion of letting go of who you are seems very frightening at the start of the journey, as you progress, you will find that it holds less and less fear for you.

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This brings us to a critical question: How do we let go of our sense of self?  It should be clear by now that this is not an easy or straightforward task.  It is a task that will take most of us years to achieve, and perhaps several lifetimes if the Hindus and Buddhists are correct.

Thankfully, letting go is driven by a simple process we have used since birth.  The process is one of meticulous observation.  The spiritual path invites us to observe our ego, to watch it in all of its particulars.  It invites us, as we observe, to notice the limits of our ego, and to notice how it constrains and limits our spiritual progress.

The ego was created to help us survive.  It is a tool – nothing more and nothing less.  That means that our sense of self, our precious “I,” is just a survival tool.  It’s not special or precious.  It’s just a tool like the screwdrivers and wrenches stored in your garage.

I know, this sounds shocking, doesn’t it?  My precious “Me” is just a tool?  Yup, that is all it is.  But because we believe our sense of self is a possession, something that is “mine,” it takes on a sense of specialness, a sense of preciousness.  Most of us have no idea what it would be like to live without this sense of self.  And all of us are just a little bit afraid of what a life without self would be like.

Would it be safe?  Would I be taken advantage of?  Would I be able to jump out of the way if a car came careening down the sidewalk?  These fears and many more arise as we begin our spiritual work.  There are, however, several factors that give me confidence in going forward.

First of all, there is no force involved in letting go.  God doesn’t demand that we let go, and he doesn’t force it upon anyone.  This is one of the principles that you begin to notice as you explore a truly spiritual life.  We start to see that God invites us, but always gives us the freedom to choose.  In fact, this sense of freedom pervades every aspect of the spiritual life.  The best example of this is found in the life of Jesus. Even Jesus, the son of God, was free to choose whether to go forward with the crucifixion or to back away.

Like Jesus, we too are God’s children, and we enjoy the same freedom of choice.  Have you ever wondered why freedom is so important to human beings?  Men and women throughout recorded history have been willing to lay down their lives for freedom.  There is no higher price anyone can pay, but it is a price willingly paid by generation after generation.  I believe freedom is so important to us because it reflects the Divine order.  As a result, God gives us perfect freedom to choose what we want to do, and we naturally rebel when someone tries to take our freedom away.

As you begin this process of observing the ego, notice that all of your judgments and all of your positional thinking are driven by your ego.  Have you ever wondered why we are constantly judging?  Take a moment and look at the conversations you are having in your head.  All of our judgments are somehow related to our survival.  There is a constant stream of them, and it’s driven by our nonstop worrying.  When you start to notice, you realize that all this mental activity is driven by the ego.  What is more, most of it is totally unnecessary.  Someday, you should try an experiment with yourself.  Count up the number of worries that you have during any given day.  At the end of the day, ask yourself how many of those worries actually came true.  You’ll be shocked by your answer!  

The next element necessary for letting go of our ego is learning to cultivate a radical kind of humility.  Because we see our self as special and exceptional, we tend to think our thoughts are equally special.  I don’t know about you, but around 98% of my thoughts are simply gossip and drivel!  My sense of self vomits up a continual stream of thoughts that, for the most part, are unnecessary commentary and nonsense.  The only value I see in most of my thinking is that it is a special kind of streaming format I find entertaining.  

There is nothing whatsoever that is precious or exceptional about most of my thinking.  When I do have a profound thought, it seems quite clear that it is not generated by my ego.  While my survival thoughts are ego-driven, my deeper thoughts seem to come from the Self.  I cannot, in honesty, claim them as my own.

Notice those times when you seem to transcend your ego.  Those odd “synchronicities” that appear more and more frequently as you cultivate your spiritual knowing.  Those times when you enter into the Zone, either in sports, in business, or in deep conversations with someone – conversations where you surprise yourself with the wisdom that comes from your lips.  These are the times when you speak the most profound truths.  I find myself surprised at what I’m saying during these times.  I’m surprised because I recognize that it is not “me” who is doing the talking.  It comes from that deeper Being who lives within us all.

We learn to let go as we accumulate more and more information about the Divine and about the spiritual dimension of life.  This accumulation of data lets us know it’s okay to let go, that it’s safe to release our death-grip on safety.  It’s always helpful to remember that God is on our side.  The Divine has always been with us and has always been there to encourage and guide us.  It is through humility and our willing submission to the extraordinary love of God that we find our way home.

Have a blessed day, and remember to enfold yourself in God’s love until we meet again.

Faithfully yours,

P.S.  These newsletters were written in a particular order, but due to the limitations of our email delivery system, we cannot send them in the order in which they were written.  We can send out the first five in order, but then the system sends out the next one, whatever that happens to be.

So, if you are suddenly moving from issue #5 to issue #whatever, it might be a little jarring.  If this sounds like you, I would encourage you to go back into our archives and do your best to read them in order. 

Humility as a Tool  → Letting go → Fear → Openness →  Acceptance & Growth

If you are finding this newsletter course helpful, you may want to consider Dr. Kaisch's latest book, Inside the Invisible:  The Universal Path to Spiritual Transcendence.👇

To access the other newsletter editions of the “Inside The Invisible Newsletter,” or if you’d like to read ahead or go back.

Please Note: These newsletters are meant to be read in order.