Cracking the Ego

Over the past several months, we have spent considerable time exploring our human nature.  We have looked at the nature of the mind and the nature and stages of spiritual growth.  This week, I would like to return to a more practical matter and share a spiritual exercise designed to break through the hard shell of our selfishness, the obdurate ego.

You may think, at this point, that I have a rather negative view of the ego.  That would be a significant misunderstanding.  I believe that God created the conditions under which our sense of self is formed, and like all of his creations, when he looked on them, he found them good.  I also have come to believe that our sense of self – our ego – is an intermediate step in our spiritual development.  If we are to follow the Divine, we need to find ways of bursting through the ego’s constraints.

Let me try to explain what I mean by this, and to do so, we need to look at our early developmental stages.  A newborn has no ego, no sense of self.  She is simply open to experiencing everything.  There are no filters to screen out certain events, and there are no thoughts because she does not have language yet.  There are simply streams of sensation that pour through her consciousness.  Adults who find themselves in the presence of a newborn soul are often struck by the innocence and the purity exhibited by these beautiful babies.

As the child acquires experience in this new body, she finds certain things are uncomfortable and others give her joy.  As she learns language, she begins to incorporate into her growing sense of self those instructions which the adults give her.  She learns that it’s okay to smile and laugh, but not okay to cry and fuss.  She learns how to cooperate with the person who is feeding her.  On the other end, she learns that bowel movements can be repugnant to the people around her.  From these early beginnings, she learns the full repertoire of human behaviors.

Each of the instructions that she takes in from outside sources ultimately becomes a part of a relatively enduring sense of self – that part of us that we call the ego.  Many of these instructions are helpful for her survival.  They help her avoid adult anger.  They teach her to avoid dangers and the fears that accompany threats to her person.  If you will, the ego becomes the basic toolkit necessary for survival in human society.  All of this is good and appropriate, but there is a darker side to this as well.

Let me illustrate how this works.  The child is taught to be a good little boy or girl, and this establishes and reinforces certain patterns of adult–approved behavior.  It also defines bad behavior, which is all the stuff that isn’t considered ‘good.’  So what is the developing child supposed to do with all the behaviors that are not considered okay?  Behaviors that are ‘bad?’  

The great Swiss psychiatrist, C.G. Jung, stated that all of these rejected parts of the self, the parts that we call negative or bad, don’t just disappear.  Instead, they formulate a shadow self, embracing the so-called dark side of our human nature.  Our shadows are composed of all of the parts of ourselves that we reject – the ‘not-me’ parts of us.  You know, the angry, hateful, depressed, fearful parts that we have such a hard time accepting.  These are the parts that we would like to have magically disappear.

So our ego is fundamentally a survival mechanism.  It is that part of us that helps us survive from birth through early adulthood.  As such, our egos are essential to human development.  We cannot do without them.  That being said, our egos come with significant limitations.  While they function to keep destructive events away from us, they also keep us from accurately understanding both the world around us and our own selves.  In addition, our egos tend to keep our negative thoughts and feelings inside of us, where they can wreak destruction.  How many times, for example, have you found your mind repeatedly going over a negative situation or conversation, until you’re just sick of it?

You can think of your ego as constructing a wall.  While that wall keeps negative things outside of itself, when negative things do get in, it holds on to them.  We can see here that the ego is a two-edged sword: it confers benefits and at the same time burdens us with negative consequences.

The most profoundly debilitating consequence of an adult ego is that it keeps us from realizing our essential nature.  We tend to identify with our bodies or with our minds when our actual identity is that we participate in the fullness of the Divine.  The Christian mystics and indeed, the mystics of all religions, clearly state that we are one with God.  They clearly state that God dwells within our hearts.  Yet, because we identify with our bodies or our minds, we are unable to perceive the great treasure within each of us.  Jesus himself says, “The kingdom of God is within you.”  (Luke 17.21).  Because of the ego's limiting effect, we fail to perceive this great truth.  

Our primary spiritual task is to let go of our ego’s constraints so that we can experience our true self.  Our true self is not limited to this body.  It is not limited to the ever-changing play of emotions we experience.  It is not limited to our ideas.  Our true self participates fully in the Divine and has no limits.  Indeed, one way of understanding the salvation that Christ brings to us is to understand that he is freeing us from the too-narrow constraints of our ego so that we can participate fully in the love of God.

So this is the task that is before us – to let go of our self so that we can experience our true nature as full participants in the Divine.  To assist with this task, I have found the Dis-Identification Exercise developed by Roberto Assagioli to be extremely useful.  Assagioli was an Italian psychiatrist who was a pioneer in inner spiritual work.  He developed this exercise to help his clients let go of their false identifications so that they can experience the truth of their true nature.

This exercise works best if you can have someone read it to you.  We have not yet found someone who can help us embed MP3 files in our text.  If you have these skills and are willing to help us with this, please contact me at ken123[email protected].  If you cannot find someone to read this for you, I suggest that you record it, since the exercise is much more effective if you can simply listen.

To begin this exercise, sit comfortably in your meditative position.  Then slowly read the Dis-Identification Exercise adapted from Assagioli , or record the exercise and listen to the tape.  Let yourself quietly affirm the truth of these words.

Spiritual Exercise 3

The Dis-Identification Exercise.

1. I have a body, but I am not my body.

My body is a precious instrument of experience.  All that I can experience is mediated by my body, my senses.  Through my body, I come to know the world outside of me and the world within me.  Through my body, I act and do things in the world.  But I notice that my body may find itself in different conditions of health or sickness; it may be rested or tired, but that has nothing to do with myself, my “I.”  The changes my body goes through do not change my “I.”  From this, I realize that I have a body, but it is only an instrument.  Therefore, I affirm that I have a body, but I am not my body.

2. I have emotions and feelings, but I am not my emotions.

My emotions are a wonderful, many-colored palette that I use to value things and experiences.  When I say I love someone, I am describing how I value that person.  When I say that I’m angry at someone, I am describing another kind of value.  I use this rich variety of valuing to order and understand my experiences.  But I noticed that though my emotions change, sometimes swiftly and sometimes slowly, the “I” that has these emotions does not change.  I noticed that I remain myself – in times of hope and in times of despair, in moments of calm and moments of irritation, my “I” is the same.  From this, it is clear that my emotions are not myself.  Therefore, I affirm that I have emotions and feelings, but I am not my emotions.

3.  I have an intellect, a mind, but I am not my intellect.

My intellect is my instrument for wrestling with the world.  Through my intellect, I take big things and divide them into smaller parts so that I can understand them.  Then I recombine those small parts into a larger whole.  I use my intellect to grapple with the vast complexity of things, so that I can master them.  But I notice that though my thoughts change frequently, the “I” that has those thoughts does not change.  I can think of many things, but I don’t become those things.  As a result, I realize that I have an intellect, but it is only an instrument.  Therefore, I affirm that, while I have an intellect, I am not my intellect.

4.  Instead, I affirm that I am the center of pure awareness.  When I go inside my self, my “identity,” I experience a vast space, open and without limit.  My awareness is free to move in any direction, as quickly or as slowly as I would like.  There is no limit to my movement.  There is only this wonderful, vast awareness that I am…

5.  Let yourself continue to explore these depths within.  Take some time, perhaps five or ten minutes, and go wherever you please.  If you find yourself distracted, simply bring your attention back to the vast spaciousness within yourself, and continue your inner journey.

(To close your meditation.)

6.  Let yourself come back to this place.  Let the feeling return to your feet… your hands… and your face.  Take a deep breath, and when you are ready, open your eyes.

I would strongly encourage you to record this exercise and play it back for yourself many times.  It is one of those great tools for opening our perception of what really is, as opposed to something that we think it might be.  Just reading this over will not give you the necessary result.  You have to open yourself to it’s deep truths for this spiritual exercise to be effective.

Because of our deep identification with our bodies, emotions, and intellect, we are often afraid to let go of those parts that we believe to be the whole of us.  Mistaking these parts for the whole, we wonder what will become of us if we release them.  Will we simply disappear?  Will something terrible happen if we find ourselves without the partial self with which we identify?

Most people experience a great sense of freedom when they practice this exercise.  It allows us to address our fears and our self-imposed limitations quite directly.  As a result of doing this exercise multiple times, you begin to see that we are much more than we have thought ourselves to be.  Here we begin to understand what participation in the Divine truly means.  It means that we are, at our deepest levels, identical with the Infinite.

Once again, the Biblical story of Jacob and Essau comes to mind.  We, like Essau, have forsaken our birthright for a bowl of gruel.  This is not what God created us for!

With love,

P.S.  Several of you have expressed the desire for an online meditation class.  If there is enough interest, I will try to figure out how to hold a group class on the web.  If you have an interest, please write me at [email protected]. 

Humility as a Tool  → Letting go → Fear → Openness →  Acceptance & Growth

If you are finding this newsletter course helpful, you may want to consider Dr. Kaisch's latest book, Inside the Invisible:  The Universal Path to Spiritual Transcendence.👇

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